Humor

Laughter Quotation: What they said?

2006-11-10T03:41:00.000-08:00

The best blush to use is laughter: It puts roses in your cheeks and in your soul.
- Linda Knight

Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.
- Arnold Glasow

Laughter is the most healthful exertion.
- Christoph Wilhelm Hufeland

Laughter is part of the human survival kit.
- David Nathan

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
-Cummings

He who laughs, lasts.
-Victor Borge

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
- Edison

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke
-
Laughter is the language of the Gods
- Russ Dudley.

Friendship: a building contract you sign with laughter and break with tears
- Unknown

Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either.
-Unknown

Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself for he shall never cease to be entertained.
-Lord Chesterfield (1694-1773).

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.
- Oscar Wilde

If taking vitamins doesn't keep you healthy enough, try more laughter: The most wasted of all days is that on which one has not laughed.
- Nicolas-Sebastien Chamfort

Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.
- Lord Byron

Of all days, the day on which one has not laughed is the one most surely wasted. Sébastien
- Roch Nicolas de Chamfort

If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love
- Maya Angelou

While the laughter of joy is in full harmony with our deeper life, the laughter of amusement should be kept apart from it. The danger is too great of thus learning to look at solemn things in a spirit of mockery, and to seek in them opportunities for exercising wit.
-Lewis Carroll

Seven days without laughter makes one weak
- Joel Goodman

Always leave them laughing when you say goodbye
- Lessing.

A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market
- George M. Cohan

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people
- Victor Borge

Laughter is an instant vacation
- Milton Berle

Laughter is by definition healthy.
- Poole

He who laughs last, didn't get the joke.
-Sir Peter Ustinov (1921- ).

He who can laugh at himself will always be entertained.
- Steve Martin

At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.
- Jean Houston

One can never speak enough of the virtues, the dangers, the power of shared laughter.
- Francoise Sagan

In my mind, there is nothing so illiberal and so ill bred as audible laughter
- Buddhist Proverb

I always knew I would look back on my tears and laugh, but I never knew I would look back at my laughter and cry
-John Powell.

We love a joke that hands us a pat on the back while it kicks the other fellow downstairs.
-Lamb.

There is nothing in which people more betray their character than in what they laugh at.
- Goethe

No man who has once heartily and wholly laughed can be altogether irreclaimably bad.
- Thomas Carlyle

One can know a man from his laugh, and if you like a man's laugh before you know anything of him, you may confidently say that he is a good man.
-Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky

There is a kind of laughter that sickens the soul. Laughter when it is out of control: when it screams and stamps its feet, and sets the bells jangling in the next town. Laughter in all its ignorance and cruelty. Laughter with the seed of Satan in it. It tramples upon shrines; the belly - roarer. It roars, it yells, it is delirious: and yet it is as cold as ice. It has no humor. It is naked noise and naked malice.
- Mervyn Peake

Cerita lucu: "Abunanawas & gajah"

2006-10-04T11:09:00.000-07:00

Raja: Hai abunawas! engkau terkenal cerdik & pandai, aku ingin melihat itu, kalau engkau benar2 hebat, maka buatlah gajah kesayanganku ini mengangkat kakinya, terserah kaki yg mana, kemudian buatlah jg dia menggelengkan kepalanya. Kalau kau berhasil, maka akan ku kabulkan apapun permohonanmu, karena siapapun di negeri antah berantah ini tdk ada yg dpt melakukannya.

Abunawas; Baiklah baginda.
(maka dengan akal cerdiknya abunawas mendekati sang gajah yg berkelamin laki2 itu, dan... menarik kemaluannya, maka !!!AaAaUuuu!!!... sang gajah terkejut & sedikit kesakitan & mengangkat2 kakinya.)

Raja: Berikan tepuk tangan buat Abunawas!... Eit! jangan senang dulu kamu! selesaikan saja yg berikutnya.

Abinawas: Siap baginda.
(lagi2 Abunawas mendekati sang gajah, dan berbisik ditelinganya 'hai gajah dongo! apa mau yg seperti tadi lagi?!'... sang gajah pun dengan keras menggeleng2kan kepalanya).

.....Sang Raja & seluruh rakyat yg menyaksikan melongo & terdiam kagum melihat kehebatan Abunawas.

Cerita humor: Abunawas Pengawal Raja

2006-10-04T11:03:00.000-07:00

Alkisah, Abunawas bertugas menjadi pengawal raja, kemanapun Raja pergi Abunawas selalu ada didekatnya .

Raja membuat Undang Undang kebersihan lingkungan, yang pada salah satu fasalnya berbunyi, Dilarang berak di sungai kecuali Raja atau seijin Raja, pelanggaran atas fasal ini adalah hukuman mati.
Suatu hari Raja mengajak Abunawas berburu ke hutan, ndilalah Raja kebelet berak, karena di hutan maka Raja berak di sungai yang airnya mengalir ke arah utara.

Raja berak di suatu tempat, eee Abunawas ikut berak juga di sebelah selatan dari Raja, begitu Raja melihat ada kotoran lain selain kotoran nya, raja marah, dan diketahui yang berak adalah Abunawas .
Abunawas dibawa ke pengadilan, Abunawas divonis hukuman mati, sebelum hukuman dilaksanakan, Abunawas diberi kesempatan membela diri, kata Abunawas

"Raja yang mulia, aku rela dihukum mati, tapi aku akan sampaikan alasanku kenapa aku ikut berak bersama raja saat itu, itu adalah bukti kesetiaanku pada paduka raja, karena sampai kotoran Rajapun harus aku kawal dengan kootoranku, itulah pembelaanku dan alasanku Raja. Hukumlah aku."

Abunawas yang divonis mati, diampuni dan malah diberi hadiah rumah dan perahu kecil untuk tempat kotoran nya mengawal kotoran raja.

Abu Nawas dan Kambing

2006-05-05T11:57:00.000-07:00

Di negeri Persia hiduplah seorang lelaki yang bernama Abdul Hamid Al-Kharizmi, lelaki ini adalah seorang saudagar yang kaya raya di daerahnya, tetapi sayang usia perkawinannya yang sudah mencapai lima tahun tidak juga dikaruniai seorang anak. Pada suatu hari, setelah shalat Ashar di Mesjid ia bernazar, “ya Allah swt. jika engkau mengaruniai aku seorang anak maka akan kusembelih seekor kambing yang memiliki tanduk sebesar jengkal manusia”. Setelah ia pulang dari mesjid, istrinya yang bernama Nazariah berteriak dari jendela rumahnya:

Nazariah : “hai, hoi, cuit-cuit, suamiku tercinta, aku sayang kepadamu, ayo kemari, cepat aku ggak sabaran lagi, kepingen ni, cepat, aku kepengen ngomong”

Abdul heran dengan sikap istrinya seperti itu, dan langsung cepat-cepat dia masuk kerumah dengan penasaran sebesar gunung.

Abdul : h, h, h, h, h, h, nafasnya kecapaian berlari dari jalan menuju kerumahnya “ada apa istriku yang
cantik?”
Nazariah : “aku hamil kang mas”
Abdul : “kamu hamil?, cihui, hui, “

Sambil meloncat-loncat kegirangan di atas tempat tidur, Plok, dia terperosok ke dalam tempat tidurnya yang terbuat dari papan itu.

Tidak lama setelah kejadian itu istrinya melahirkan seorang anak laki-laki yang sangat cantik dan lucu. Dan diberi nama Sukawati

Pak lurah : “Anak anda kan laki-laki, kenapa diberi nama Sukawati?”
Abdul : “dikarenakan anak saya laki-lakilah makanya saya beri nama Sukawati, jika saya beri nama
Sukawan dia disangka homo.
Abdul : “Hai Malik (ajudannya) cepat kamu cari kambing yang mempunyai tanduk sebesar jengkal manusia”.
Malik : “tanduk sebesar jengkal manusia?” ia heran “mau cari dimana tuan?”
Abdul : “cari di dalam hidungmu dongol, ya cari diseluruh ke seluruh negeri ini”

Beberapa hari kemudian.

Malik : “Tuan Abdul, saya sudah cari kemana-mana tetapi saya tidak menemukan kambing yang punya
tanduk sejengkal manusia”
Abdul : “Bagaimana kalau kita membuat sayembara, cepat buat pengumuman ke seluruh negeri bahwa kita
membutuhkan seekor kambing yang memiliki tanduk sejengkal manusia untuk disembelih”

Menuruti perintah tuannya, Malik segera menempelkan pengumunan di seluruh negeri itu, dan orang-orang yang memiliki kambing yang bertandukpun datang kerumah Abdul, seperti pengawas Pemilu, Abdul memeriksa tanduk kambing yang dibawa tersebut.

Abdul : “hai tuan anda jangan menipu saya, kambing ini tidak memiliki tanduk sebesar jengkal manusia”
kemudian ia pergi ke kambing lain “jangan main-main tuan, ini tanduk kambing palsu”.

Setelah sekian lama menyeleksi tanduk kambing yang dibawa oleh kontestan sayembara, ternyata tidak satupun yang sesuai dengan nazarnya kepada Allah swt. Abdul hampir putus asa, tiba-tiba.

Abdul : “aha, saya teh ada ide, segera kamu ke ibu kota dan jumpai pak Abu dan katakan saya ingin
meminta tolong masalah saya.

Malik segera menuruti perintah tuannya, dan segera menuju ibu kota dan menjumpai Pak Abu yang punya nama lengkap Abu Nawas.

Malik : “Pak Abu, begini ceritanya, cus, cues, ces. Pak Abu bisa bantu tuan saya”
Pak Abu : “katakan pada tuan kamu, bawa kambing yang punya tanduk dan bayinya tersebut besok pagi ke mesjid Fathun Qarib.

Malik segera pulang dan memberitahukan kepada tuannya bahwa Pak Abu bisa membantu dan cus, cues, ces, sstsst,

Di esok pagi Abdul menjumpai Pak Abu dengan seekor kambing yang punya tanduk dan anaknya yang masih bayi tersebut, beserta istrinya.

Pak Abu : “Baiklah tuan Abdul, jika nazarmua kepada Allah swt. menyembelih kambing yang punya tanduk
sebesar jengkal manusia, sekarang tunjukkan mana kambing yang kau bawa kemari, dan mana anakmu”
Abdul : “ini kambing dan anak saya Pak Abu”

Pak Abu kemudian mengukur tanduk kembing tersebut dengan jengkal anak bayi tersebut dan Pak abu memperlihatkannya ke Abdul

Pak Abu : “sekarang kamu sudah bisa membayar nazarmu kepada Allah swt. karena sudah dapat kambing yang pas”
Abdul : “cihui, uhui, pak Abu memang hebat”, dia meloncat-loncat kegirangan di dalam mesjid setelah melakukan sujud syukur, dan tiba-tiba sleit, dia terpeleset jatuh, karena lantainya baru saja di pel oleh pengurus mesjid itu

2006-03-12T22:33:00.003-08:00

RAC Motoring Services

Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me
when I am
travelling
in Australia?"

Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"

--------------------

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while
travelling in France):

"If I register my car in France, do I have to change
the steering
wheel to the other side of the car?"

Samsung Electronics

2006-03-12T22:33:00.001-08:00

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for
Jack?"

Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you
are talking
about".

Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it
clearly states that
I
need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket
and telephone
Jack
before cleaning. Now, can you
give me the number for Jack?"

Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the
wall".

opening hours

2006-03-12T22:33:00.000-08:00

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days
and can't get
through to
enquiries, can you help?".

Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".

Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".

Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

Sender Susanto

Abu Nawas dan Jeng Juminten

2006-02-23T21:50:00.000-08:00

Satu hari Sultan merasa sungguh "boring n bete abis",
jadi dia bertanya kepada bendahara, "
Bendahara, siapa yang paling pandai saat ini?"
"Abu Nawas" jawab Bendahara.
Sultan pun manggil Abu Nawas dan baginda bertitah : "Kalau kamu pandai, coba
buat satu cerita seratus kata tapi setiap kata mesti
dimulai dengan huruf 'J'.

Terperanjat Abu Nawas, tapi setelah berfikir, diapun
mulai bercerita:

Jeng Juminten janda judes, jelek jerawatan, jari
jempolnya jorok. Jeng juminten jajal jualan jamu jarak
jauh Jogya-Jakarta. Jamu
jagoannya: jamu jahe. "Jamu-jamuuu..., jamu jahe-jamu
jaheee...!"
Juminten jerit-jerit jajakan jamunya, jelajahi
jalanan.

Jariknya jatuh, Juminten jatuh jumpalitan. Jeng
Juminten
jerit-jerit: "Jarikku jatuh, jarikku jatuh..."
Juminten jengkel,
jualan jamunya jungkir-jungkiran, jadi jemu juga.

Juminten jumpa Jack, jejaka Jawa jomblo, juragan
jengkol, jantan,
juara judo. Jantungnya Jeng Juminten janda judes jadi
jedag-jedug.
Juminten janji jera jualan jamu, jadi julietnya Jack.

Johny justru jadi jelous Juminten jadi juliet-nya
Jack. Johny juga
jejaka jomblo, jalang, juga jangkung. Julukannya,
Johny Jago Joget.
"Jieehhh, Jack jejaka Jawa, Jum?" joke-nya Johny.
Jakunnya jadi
jungkat-jungkit jelalatan jenguk Juminten. "Jangan
jealous, John..."
jawab Juminten.

Jumat, Johny jambret, jagoannya jembatan Joglo jarinya
jawil-jawil
jerawatnya Juminten. Juminten jerit-jerit: "Jack,
Jack, Johny jahil, jawil-jawil!!!" Jack jumping-in
jalan, jembatan juga jemuran. Jack jegal Johny, Jebr
eeet..., Jack jotos Johny. Jidatnya Johny jenong, jadi
jontor juga jendol... jeleekk. "John, jangan jahilin
Juminten...!" jerit Jack. Jantungnya Johny
jedot-jedotan, "Janji,
Jack, janji... Johnny jera," jawab Johny. Jack jadikan
Johny join
jualan jajan jejer Juminten.

Jhony jadi jongosnya Jack-Juminten, jagain jongko,
jualan jus
jengkol j ajanan jurumudi jurusan Jogja-Jombang,
julukannya Jus
Jengkol Johny "Jolly-jolly Jumper." Jumpalagi,
jek........!!!

Jeringatan : Jangan joba-joba jikin jerita jayak jini
jagi ja...!!!
JUSAH...!!!

jhe-END

KEJUJURAN

2006-02-22T08:24:00.000-08:00

"Kalau Anda mau bekerja di sini" kata Kepala Personalia, "Pertama Anda harus selalu menjaga kebersihan di lingkungan kantor ini. Apakah tadi Anda membersihkan sepatu di keset sebelum memasuki kantor ini?"

"Oh, sudah tentu, Pak."

"Dan satu lagi yang paling penting dan menentukan diterima atau tidaknya seorang karyawan... adalah kami sangat menghargai kejujuran.

Di pintu depan kantor ini, harap Anda ketahui anak muda, tidak pernah ada keset kaki"

Pengirim Luckey Knap

Try Talk-Talk English

2006-02-09T09:50:00.000-08:00

(D.O. setelah belajar 1 minggu BAHASA INGGRIS)

PART ONE
Ane kaget banget kemaren ini pas lewat di depannye kelurahan,
ngebace spanduk nyang isinye:

"SAVE THE COUNTRY, HANG TNI ... SAVE THE
PEOPLE, HANG POLRI"

Usut punye usut, ternyate nyang dimaksud ialah:
"Keselametan negare, tergantung TNI ...keselametan rakyat,
tergantung POLRI"

Bujubuneng ..., rupenye si Lurah baru ikutan kursus bahase Inggris
tapi udah nekat buat tampil...

PART TWO
Seorang supir lagi nyetirin boss bule Amrik, kebetulan lagi sial.
Mobilnya nyodok kendaraan di depannya karena mendadak berhenti.
Dengan terbata2 ia minta maaf kepada si boss:

Supir: Sorry Sir, I brake brake, do not eat. After I check the wheel
no flower again. (maaf Tuan, saya rem2 nggak makan, setelah
saya cek rodanya nggak ada kembangannya lagi)

Begitu si Boss mau ikutan ribut sama yg ditabrak,
Supirnya nyeletuk:
Don't follow mix, Sir! The bring that car if not wrong is the
children fruit from manager money, he stupid no play! Let know taste.
(nggak usah ikut campur, Pak! Yang bawa mobil itu kalo nggak salah
anak buah dari manajer keuangan, dia memang goblok bukan main! Biar
tahu rasa)

Besoknya si supir gak masuk kerja, terus pas lusanya dia masuk si
boss bule nanya:

Bule : Why didn't you come to work?
Supir : I am sorry boss, my body is not delicious, my body taste
like enter the wind.
(maaf boss, badan saya tidak enak, badan saya rasanya seperti masuk
angin)

PART THREE
Suatu hari ada bule kehilangan sepeda motornya yg dia parkir didepan
toko di sekitar jalan Malioboro, Yogya. Lalu dia bertanya ke Paijo,
yg saat itu kebetulan berada di tempat parkir, apakah dia ngeliat
org yg ngambil sepeda motornya.

Paijo: Yes, he use to table square-square. Worth
he fast-fast go without wet expire
(Iya, dia pakai kemeja kotak-kotak. Pantes dia cepat-cepat pergi
tanpa basa basi)

Lalu dengan sok berwibawa Paijo menasehati,
Paijo: Sir, different river, if park bicycle motor heart-heart, yes?
(Tuan, lain kali kalo parkir sepeda motor hati-hati ya!)

Tapi bule itu diam saja karena nggak tau mau jawab apa, shg Paijo
jadi ngedumel,

Paijo: Basic bule! (Dasar bule!)

Karena nggak tau harus ngomong apa lagi, si bule
ngeloyor pergi dan dengan PD-nya Paijo bilang, "Breasttttt!" sambil
melambaikan tangannya. Maksudnya sih:"Dadaaaaahhh...!!!!!!

To : ppi-india@yahoogroups.com
From: "Fachim Harharah"

George Bush, Hilary Clinton and more when they were kids

2006-02-01T11:50:00.000-08:00

Proverbial humor

2006-02-01T11:44:00.000-08:00

Old proverbs finished of by children

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. These are great:

As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You... Mess It Up.

Better Be Safe Than... Punch A 5th Grader.

Strike While The... Bug Is Close.

It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.

Never Under Estimate The Power Of... Termites.

You Can Lead A Horse To Water But.. How?

Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.

No News Is... Impossible.

A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.

You Can't Teach An Old Dog New... Math.

If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Stink In The Morning.

Love All, Trust.. Me

The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.

An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.

Where There's Smoke, There's... Pollution.

Happy The Bride Who... Gets All The Presents!

A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.

Two's Company, Three's... The Musketeers.

Don't Put Off Tomorrow What... You Put On To Go To Bed.

Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And... You Have To Blow Your Nose.

None Are So Blind As... Helen Keller.

Children Should Be Seen And Not... Spanked Or Grounded.

If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.

You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.

When The Blind Leadeth The Blind... Get Out Of The Way.

There Is No Fool Like... Aunt Eddie.

Children's Thoughts On Science

2006-02-01T09:25:00.000-08:00

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and class room discussions; most were from fifth- and sixth-graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the "most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop."

Question: What is one horsepower?
Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

The secret of success

2006-02-01T08:28:00.000-08:00

"Sir, What is the secret of your success?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"And how do you make right decisions?"

"One word."

"And, What is that?"

"Experience."

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Wrong decisions."

http://www.psych.upenn.edu/humor.html

Tujuh Penyakit yang Sering Dialami Oleh Cewek

2006-01-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

1. Nangisuitis
Akibat terlalu sensitif. Gejalanya bibir cemberut,mata
kedip-kedip.
Efek sampingnya mata bengkak, saputangan banjir,
hidung meler, bawaannya ngurung diri atau terkena
penyakit Curhatitis A. Penyakit ini bisa diobati
dengan obat Tegaridol, OBH (Obat Berhati Hamba).

2. Curhatitis B
Bawaanya pengen nyerocos.
Efek samping rahasia orang bisa bocor, terkena
Nangisuitis, Penyakit ini bisa diarahkan positif jika
ia bercuhatitisnya ke orang yang tepat, apalagi sama
Tuhan.

3. Shoping Syndrome
Gejalanya pengen jalan mulu, mata melotot.
Efek sampingnya lidah ngiler, mulut nganga, dompet
jadi tipis. Jika sudah masuk stadium 4(parah banget)
dompet cowoknya ikut tipis. Coba minum hematcold atau
tablet PD (Pengendalian Diri).

4. Cerewetisme
Lebih parah dari Curhatitis B, tidak mengandung titik
koma.
Efek samping muncrat, telinga tetangga budek, dada
cowoknya bisa jadi lebih halus karena sering mengelus.
Lebih cepat makan pil dengar dan minum tablet bicara
lebih diperlambat.

5. Lamanian Dandanitos
Pengennya diem depan cermin. Tangan kiri gatel-gatel
pengen pegang sisir, tangan kanan kram-kram pengen
teplok-teplok pipi pake bedak. Efek samping: menor,
telat, cowoknya berkarat, gak kebagean makanan. Minum
segera Sari Bawak (Bagi Waktu) dan Taperi (tambah
percaya diri). Buat cowok minum Toleransikipil 230
sendok sehari sesudah dan sebelum mandi.

6. Cemburunotomy
Gejala muka lonjong, tangan mengepal, alis menukik.
Coba cegah dengan obat sirup prasangka baik tiga
sendok sehari, Pil pengertian dan tablet selidiki
dahulu.

7. Ngambekilation
Gejala hampir sama dengan Cemburubotomy. Minum Sabaron
dan Bersyukur

Kiriman Luckey knap (LNH)

Children's Science Exam Answers

2006-01-17T11:21:00.000-08:00

These are real answers given by children.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Polish Joke

2006-01-17T03:09:00.000-08:00

Three guys work on a construction site. One is white, one is black and one is Polish. The bell rings for lunch and the white man opens his lunch bag and sighs deeply, saying, "If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow I'm jumping off the building." The black guy opens up his lunch, glares and says " If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow, I'm going with you." The Polish man opens his lunch, pulls out another ham sandwich, and says "I'm with you guys."

The next day the lunch bell rings. The white man opens his lunch. He says, "Turkey sandwich. I love my wife." The black guy opens his lunch. He says, "Chicken sandwich. I love my wife. The Polish man opened his lunchbox, looked stricken, and said "HAM AGAIN! See ya guys." With that, he jumped off the building. The black guy says " I feel sorry for him." The white man replies, "I'm not, he packs his own
lunch.

Things Found Only In America

2006-01-17T03:02:00.000-08:00

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures."
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Ways To Cope With stress

2006-01-17T02:56:00.000-08:00

1. Put miniature marshmallows in your ears, hum off-key loudly.
2. Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.
3. When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.
4. Make a list of things to do that you have already done.
5. Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.
6. Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.
7. Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.
8. Stick a post-it that says, "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.
9. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day
10. Buy a subscription to "Sleazoid Weekly" and send it to your boss's wife.
11. Pay your electric bill in pennies.
12. Drive to work in reverse.
13. Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
14. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
15. Braid the hairs in each nostril.
16. Write a short story using alphabet soup.
17. Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.
18. Make up a language and ask people for directions in it.
19. Bill your doctor for time spent in his waiting room.
20. Call up everyone in your rolodex; when they answer, say, "I must have the wrong number!"

Guards Reading Prisoners Mail

2006-01-17T02:50:00.000-08:00

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the entire back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

Takut isteri

Ada isu bahwa sebagian besar menteri kabinet di suatu negara ternyata takut sama isterinya. Presiden ingin mengetahui kebenaran isu yang menggemparkan itu. Dalam rapat kabinet terbatas presiden meminta menteri-menteri yang merasa takut sama isterinya untuk pindah duduk di sebelah kanan sang presiden. Tanpa ba-bi-bu, seluruh menteri pindah duduknya di sebelah kanan presiden, kecuali si menteri pertahanan. Semua yang hadir di situ kaget dan curiga. Saking pengin taunya, menteri dalam negeri nanya: Mendagri : " Mister Menhankan, kenapa anda tidak pindah kemari ? " Menhankam : " Karena,.... tadi pagi isteri saya pesan, agar saya jangan suka ngikutin yang lain ". Seluruh peserta: " ? ? ? ? ? ? ? "

Arabs

2006-01-17T02:48:00.000-08:00

It is the year 2032, and a father and his son walk the streets of lower Manhattan. Approaching the site where the WTC used to be in the end of the 20th century, the father sighs and comments, "to think that right here used to be the Twin Towers..."

The son, not understanding, asks his father "What are the Twin Towers?" The father smiles and looks at the son, and explains, "The Twin Towers were two huge buildings that used to be here until 2001, when the Arabs destroyed them."

INDONESIA -INGGRIS

Suatu hari seorang W.N.I yang berada di Inggris sedang bercakap-cakap ttg masalah politik dengan serius saat itu : Inggris :kami negara demokrasi, bebas bilang "TURUNKAN BLAIR" tanpa takut ditangkap apalagi dihilangkan nyawanya. Indonesia: Di negara aku juga bebas dan demokratis kok saat ini, silahkan anda datang ke Indonesia dan buktikan hal ini.
Karena penasaran mereka berdua langsung ke Indonesia, dan sesampainya di bandara Sukarno Hatta merekapun langsung ke Istana Presiden di Medan Merdeka Utara dan orang Inggris itu mendengar teriakan yang sangat keras orang Indonesia :........"TURUNKAN BLAIR"...................
Orang Inggris :............????????????????...............

Old Ladies' Noggins

2006-01-17T02:43:00.000-08:00

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful.This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"

The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

HOW GUYS SELECT THE GIRL THEY WANT TO MARRY

2006-01-17T02:39:00.000-08:00

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first gal, does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second gal, goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third gal, invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Finally, he married the one with the largest breasts.

MEN are MEN !!

Teka Teki
Bagaimana caranya mengetahui letak kepala & ekor cacing?Gelitik'i aja badannya, nti klo dia tertawa kegelian pasti terdengar swaranya & itu pasti kepalanya.
Kenapa Superman kalau terbang tangan kirinya dipinggang ?Karena tangan kirinya untuk memindahkan gigi ke-1, ke-2, ke-3 dan seterusnya.
Mengapa jarum jam selalu berputar?Karena mencari angka 13

Perbedaan Yoi, Ya dan Ya Begitulah

2006-01-14T01:26:00.000-08:00

Turis amerika yang sedang belajar Bahasa Indonesia sedang bingung, mengapa orang Indonesia, jika menjawab pertanyaan itu beda-beda seperti yoi, ya, dan ya begitulah.

Lalu, ia bertanya kepada seorang pejabat, "Bagaimana cara membedakan yoi, ya, da ya begitulah?"

Kemudian, pejabat itu menjawab, "Kalau yoi, orang tersebut tidak punya pendidikan, kalo iya, orang itu tamatan SMA, dan kalau begitulah, berarti ia sarjana."

"Oh, gitu, ya?", kata turis.
"Yoi!!", kata pejabat.

Job Interview : khusus buat yang ngerti Bahasa Jawa only

2005-11-15T03:28:00.000-08:00

Kiriman Kang Fachim ke milis ppi-india

Note : Ini seputar sindiran buat kebijakan perusahaan yang kurang
berkenan, yang nggak ngerti bahasa Jawa bisa tanya hehehe....

Alkisah di sebuah perusahaan besar di kawasan Keprabon, tengah
melakukan beberapa tes wawancara untuk " tidak" menerima calon
karyawan baru, tentu saja salah satu prasyaratnya adalah harus
berbahasa EJD (Ejaan Jawa yg nDaksempurna).

G : Kowe nduwe omah opo ora.....?

a : dereng....

G : Wah kowe ora iso ketompo nang kene

a : Lho kok ngaten........?

G : Mengko kowe mesthi ngajukne utang nang perusahaan.

a : Ah.. mboten kok, Sak janipun tiyang sepuh kuloniku sampun sugih.

G : Yo malah ora ketompo

a : Lho kok ngaten.....?

G : Mengko kowe kerjo mung nggo hiburan, nongkrang nongkrong ae.

G : Kowe nduwe motor opo ora....?

b : Mboten.

G : Ora ketompo

b : Lho kok ketompo ?

G : Mengko kowe mesthi njaluk bantuan kredit.

b : Sak janipun gadhah, ning tasih ten kampung, gampil mangke kulo
beto ngriki.

G : Wah malah ra ketompo....

b : lho kok ngoten

G : Tempat parkire wis ra cukup.

G : Kowé wis lulus sarjana tenan.....?

c : sampun pak....

G : Ora ketompo, kéné iki golék sing SMA aé, luwih manutan lan bén
mbayaré murah

c : Sak janipun kulo tasih badhe skripsi

G : Malah ora ketompo.....

c : Lho kados pundi to....?

G : Mengko kow é kerjo mung ngetik skripsi, lék wis lulus mesti
golék kerjo neng perusahaan liyo.

G : Kowé seneng guyon opo ora ?

d : Mboten pak, kulo serius n ék nyambut gawé.

G: Ra ketompo.....

d : waa......kok ngoten?

G : Engko konco koncomu lan anak buahmu podho stress.

d : Sak jané nggih sekedhik sekedhik seneng guyon.

G : Malah ora ketompo.

d : Lho kok......

G : Engko kowé mung email emailan sing lucu.......

G : Kowé mau mréné numpak opo ?

e : Nitih mobil

G : Kowé ora ketompo

e : Sebabipun ?

G : Saiki BBM mundhak terus, mengko kowé njaluk mundhak bayar terus

e : Wo, kulo wau namung mboncèng, kok

G : Tambah ora ketompo

e : Lho, lha kok ... ?

G : Mengko mung gawéné mboncéng mobil kantor. Ngrusuhi !

G : Anakmu akèh opo sithik ?

f : Kathah pak

G : Kowé ora ketompo

f : Sebabipun ?

G : Nyambut gawemu ora jenjem, mung mikir gawe uanaaaaaak terus

f : Lha wong namung anak adopsi, kok.

G : Tambah ora ketompo

f : Lho, lha kok ... ?

G : Gawé anak baé aras2en, opo manèh nyambut gawé

G : Kowé wis ngerti gawéyanmu durung ?

h : Dèrèng

G : Kowé ora ketompo

h : Sebabipun ?

G : Arep nyambut gaw é kok ora ngerti gaweyané ?

h : Oo, nèk damelan niku mpun ngertos kok

G : Tambah ora ketompo

h : Lho, lha kok ... ?

G : Kowé rak mung arep keminter, to ?

G : Kowe ngerti kahanan kantor kéné durung

k : Dèrèng

G : Kowé ora ketompo

k : Sebabipun ?

G : Arep nyambut gawé kok ora ngerti kantoré ?

k : Wo, sekedhik2 mpun ngertos kok

G : Tambah ora ketompo

k : Lho, lha kok ... ?

G : Kowé senengané ngudhal-udhal wewadi kantor, to ?

G : Kowé kerep loro ?

m : Mboten

G : Kowé ora ketompo

m : Sebabipun ?

G : Mesthi kerep mbolos, wong arang2 gering

m : Wah, sakjanipun nggih asring

G : Tambah ora ketompo

m : Lho, lha kok ... ?

G : Kantor iki ora nompo karyawan pileren.

G : Kowé biso main Internét ?

n : mBoten

G : Kowé ora ketompo

n : Sebabipun ?

G : Perusahaan ora nompo BI (Buta Internet)

n : Wah, sakjanipun nggih saged

G : Tambah ora ketompo

n : Lho, lha kok ... ?

G : Mesthi ora bakal nyambut gawé, kakèhan dolanan Internet, to?
Ngenték-entekké pulsa !

G : Kowe waras opo ora?

o : Lha, kulo nggih waras to Pak.

G : Ra ketompo.......

o : Kenging nopo .....?

G : Mengko kowe mesthi ora krasan neng kene.

o : Niku rumiyin Pak, sakmeniko sampun rodo edan.

G : Malah ra ketompo......

o : Pripun to niki....?

G : Mengko aku duwe saingan..........

HARAM HUKUMNYA BAGI SEORANG MUSLIM MENIKAH DENGAN GADIS SEKAMPUNG

2005-10-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

BERITA GEMPAR!!!!! HARAP-HARAP TENANGKAN PERASAAN
SEBELUM MEMBACA LAPORAN INI, BAGI YANG TELAH
TERLANJUR... APA NAK BUAT!!!!

Haram menikahi gadis satu kampung. NU telah
mengeluarkan fatwa baru. Setelah diadakan perbincangan
dan diskusi di antara para pemimpin, NU dan ahli
ulama' memberikan fatwa pada tanggal 3 oktober tahun
2003:

"HARAM HUKUMNYA BAGI SEORANG MUSLIM LAKI-LAKI UNTUK
MENIKAH DENGAN GADIS SEKAMPUNG"

Fatwa NU ini telah menimbulkan perdebatan dan
bantahan yang sangat sengit antara yang pro dan
kontra. Bahkan banyak pihak yang menyatakan bahawa
NU telah mengambil keputusan yang tidak
munasabah dan terburu-buru. Wartawan Berita Harian
telah meminta pegawai kanan NU untuk memberi ulasan
yang mendalam sebab sebab NU mengeluarkan fatwa
sedemikian. Inilah isi
wawancara tersebut:
Wartawan: Bagaimana NU boleh mengeluarkan fatwa
haram untuk menikahi gadis sekampung?
Pegawai Kanan : Bagaimana tidak haram, sedangkan
menikahi empat orang wanita sahaja sudah berat,
apalagi satu kampung..........!!!

hehehehehe... jgn marah ah... nanti kena jual (",)

Kiriman Bang Susanto ke milis ppi-india

Top Signs That You Are Growing Old

2005-10-21T13:14:00.000-07:00

1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
2. Your back goes out more than you do.
3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.
5. You are proud of your lawn mower.
6. Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
7. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
8. You sing along with the elevator music.
9. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
13. You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
14. You send money to PBS.
15. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
16. You take a metal detector to the beach.
17. You know what the word "equity" means.
18. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch
television.
19. Your ears are hairier than your head.
20. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
21. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
22. You got cable for The Weather Channel.
23. You can go bowling without drinking.
24. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
25. People send you this list.